Sleeping on the job

Chandrashekhar had an arranged marriage three years ago. But this 30 year old systems engineer from an orthodox Tamil Brahmin family has no qualms about his six-month-long affair with a co-worker. Too busy getting ahead at work to spare time for his wife, Chandrashekhar says it’s only his colleague and lover who understands the pulls and pressures of his life.

And he isn’t the only one looking for amourin the next cubicle. As a recent Times Now survey indicates, an astonishing one in five people surveyed claimed to be having as affair at the workplace. The astonishing thing is that most are married.

The reasons are not hard to find. Nakul, an employee in McCann Erickson who’s used to 10 hour long office days, admits all his relationships revolve around office. “It’s where we make friends, socialize and more often than not, look for love.”

Even leisure is work centric like the team building execises that McCann-Erickson arranges which can involve games, skits and even trips out of town. And even if that isn’t in the picture, unsociable working hours ensure co-workers are forced to rely on one another. Thomas, a team member in Axa, a global financial firm, complains. “I work from one in the afternoon to nine in the morning. Whatever time is left is spent catching up on sleep. Who then will I find to see a movie with or even talk about something as mundane as shopping? If has to be someone from office.”

The hours may explain why working Indians are looking to colleagues for companionship. But it’s only part of the reason. Chandrashekhar points out that in a life governed by tradition and rules, his affair has given him a sense of freedom, “I come from a very orthodox family and they had a say in everything I did in school, college and even my choice of a life partner. This affair is liberating. I can talk about what I think and what I want with Payal, who is both my colleague and confidant.”

Anoop a TV journalist whose continuous night shifts (by choice) have ensured that he sees more of his colleague than his wife, agrees. “I think in television, there is so much temptation to stray because of long hours and attractive colleagues. But rather than feeling guilty, it gives me a rush that I can do something and get away with it.”

While men cite many reasons for their philandering, experts say women are not far behind. Rajat Mitra, consulting psychologist at Swanchetan, A Delhi-based social welfare organisation for trauma victims, says the number of married women giving up on their relationships is slowly but steadily rising. “Today, women are less likely to put up with any shortcomings in their partners. If they feel the marriage is not working, they opt out much faster than before.”

Twenty-eight-year-old Kavita is a case in point. Married to a man she chose, Kavita felt things going wrong after just two years. Her husband’s inability to understand her needs” saw Kavita take solace in an office romance. “Our firm had sent us out of town. It was a very romantic place and I remember thinking, why waste this opportunity.” The affair, which has since turned into a relationship, has left Kavita with mixed feelings. “I sometimes feel like telling my husband. But I don’t regret my relationship. I feel it is his fault as he was unable to understand me.”

This loosening of sexual taboos signals a sea change in how Generation Now perceives its relationship, a message that Bollywood has been quick to pick up on. From Mahesh Bhatt’s Murder to Rajat Kapoor’s Mixed Doubles, adultery – as portrayed in the movies – has never been quite so tempting, tantalizing and easy. It’s a message that seems to have hit home – or rather the office.

(Some names have been changed). TOI, Patna Sunday March 12, 06